A Texas rancher visits Ireland and meets a Kerry farmer. The Texan boasts, “Takes me a whole dang day to drive from one side of my ranch to the other.”

The Kerry farmer says, “Ah sure, I know, sir. We have tractors like that over here too.”



What’s Gaelic for Urgent?

A Spanish singer chatting on television used the word “manaña.” When asked what that meant, he said it means “maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that, next week, next month or next year. Who cares?” 

An Irishman in the conversation, Shay Brennan, was then asked if there’s an Irish equivalent. “No. In Ireland we don’t have a specific word to describe that level of urgency.”



Mistaken Identity

Two Irishmen met and one said to the other, “Have ye seen Mulligan lately, Pat?”

Pat said, “Well, I have and then again I haven’t.”

His friend asked, “Well, what d’ye mean by that?”

Pat said, “It’s like this, y’see…I saw a chap who I thought was Mulligan, and he saw a chap that he thought was me. And when we got up to one another…it was neither of us.”



Love It or List It?

Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent’s hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading.

After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, “Have I got all you say there?”

The agent said, “You certainly do. Why are asking, now?”

Murphy replied, “Cancel the sale, the place sounds grand to me!”



Olive You Too, Dear

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders a dozen of martinis, removing the olives, placing them in a jar, and drinking the martinis. When the jar is filled with olives and all the martinis drank, he starts to leave.

The bartender stops him and asks, “Excuse me but, what was that all about?”

The Irishman replies, “My wife sent me out for a small jar of pickled olives.”